Many of us spend our lives predominantly in a victimhood mentality. In this mindset, we believe that external sources dictate our life experience. These sources could include our genes, health, finances, family, friends, relationships, education, job, work environment, governments, religions, society, etc. In this state, we blame other people, conditions, or systems for the quality of our lives, and we resent our “perceived” limitations. In our fear, helplessness, frustration, and anger, we give away more of our power and energy, and in doing so, we add to our suffering.
When we can no longer tolerate the suffering caused by our perceived limitations and self-imposed conditions, we enter what I call the “numbness stage.” In this stage, we choose to stop feeling. We “accept” our life conditions and the limitations that we have invited into our lives. We then label them as our “destiny”, “the nature of human experience”, or even “karma,” and we surrender to our circumstances. Sometimes, we even give our suffering a higher meaning, we worship it, or at times, we simply ignore it, adding it to our bucket of normalcy and moving on.
If we look around, both in our personal lives and in our society, we can see many examples of the “numbness stage.” I have experienced it too, many times. For example, the first day I left my 4-month-old baby at daycare to return to work after my maternity leave ended to keep my job instead of nurturing my baby, as my most natural desire and need, I conformed to the maternity leave laws of the system I live in, accepted it as my reality, and numbed myself to my suffering in order to continue with my “normal” life. This is just one example. We all have similar experiences in our lives. I believe our society is collectively experiencing a level of numbness as well. We have numbed ourselves to endless wars and conflicts, homelessness, hunger, outdated education systems, borders defined by nationality, gender, color, race, and language, as well as a profit-centered corporate culture, instead of one that values and prioritizes human growth and well-being.
I personally find numbness to be more critical than victimhood because it involves less feeling, more passivity, and a deeper surrender to our condition. In our surrender to our conditions, we give away our strength and wisdom, which are our innate abilities to transcend our self-imposed limitations and create better conditions, experiences, and systems that are aligned with our true essence. In numbness, we block the way to the gifts that we hold deeply in our hearts, our sacred resources to create and live in harmony.
We typically break free from our numbness when we face a crisis. This crisis may occur in our physical or mental health, our family and relationships, our career, or even globally on our planet and for our race. A crisis is a wake-up call, a gift from our highest wisdom and inner support system, meant to bring us back to the stage of feeling. It is an invitation to pause, reconnect with ourselves, and to reevaluate and change our direction. It is a new opportunity to take charge and create more harmonious lives and systems.
We do not need to reach a crisis point to change our condition and take control of our lives. We do not need to stop feeling. We do not need to wait for a wake-up call to pause, reassess, and change our course. We actually need to feel fully, because our feelings keep us awake and alert. Feeling is our gift; it is a strong communication system that keeps us connected to ourselves, our needs, and our deepest inner desires. It also guides us to connect with those who are in deep resonance with us or avoid relationships that are not in alignment with our values. It helps us distinguish between what brings us joy and what keeps us away from our natural state of thriving, both individually and collectively.
As the creators of our life experience, we set limitations in our life story with the purpose of transcending them, not surrendering to them. If we have the power and freedom to set limitations for ourselves, we possess all the resources that are required to fulfill our purpose and rise above our limitations, grow and access more of who we truly are. Victimhood and numbness mentalities take this opportunity away from us. Instead of surrendering to our self-imposed limitations, surrendering to our inherent gifts of love, wisdom, and power, deeply connected to the endless flow of life energy, is the way to fulfill our purpose, and access more of our essence.
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